Hey tumblr. Those of you who will see this have followed me for one reason or another. I don’t really post much up online, much less write anything in my posts. Cause, who really gives a fuck right? So I might as well vent for a little. I’m 23 and I live at home with my parents in NJ. I have a girlfriend who I love and that loves me, friends that are awesome, and family that puts up with me. I should be grateful and happy for these things alone… But lately I’ve found myself feeling the lowest I’ve ever felt in my life. I should probably start by saying that the entirety of my life has been invested in music. It was my first love. My passion. My spirit and soul. My god. My universe. But everyone told me I couldn’t make a living from playing music. So when I graduated high school I went to college for engineering. I couldn’t manage to get past freshman year because I failed the same math course 3 times in a row. I passed it on the fourth attempt but by that time Sallie Mae found me unfit for any more loans. So I couldn’t afford to attend anymore. So I went to community college for audio engineering. My parents weren’t happy with that and told me I had to get a job because music wouldn’t get me anywhere. So I tried to do both. The school dropped my grants because I fell behind on my credits and I wasn’t able to keep my job. I’ve been through a few shit dead end jobs since. I’ve tried to study at home to be able to do something better that would get me a decent career, but I keep finding myself at another job i hate, to pay for loans i can’t really afford. i’ve basically failed at everything except for recording a couple of EP’s and being decent person to some of the people around me. Everyone tells me I’ll be alright, but it doesn’t feel that way. By this point it just seems like trying is pointless. There’s the rare occasion where I’ll catch wind of optimism and self motivation. “Fuck this. I’m gonna work my ass off and chase my dreams again”. And then life just decks me in the face again. I don’t want to try anymore. I have no goals. I have no dreams. No inspiration. The only thing I really wanted in life was to be remembered for my music. The one thing that gave me a true sense of purpose… But that’s foolish for me to think. Anyways, thanks for hearing me out internets. It’s been real.
Just a casual reminder that this exists
i highly suggest you watch it
i highly thought he was going to eat shit, but he didn’t. bravo.